Monday, July 6, 2009

Muddy All Stars and happy faces

My husband Steve is a manic depressant. Life with him can be fucking hard!
Well until about 3 weeks ago.
After a bigger than usual fight (over the common theme of money!) all hell broke loose, more so than usual! I finally stood up for my self and told him I was done. He was diagnosed just after my work Christmas party (another story, for a later date!) about 2 years ago and bar a session here or there had refused therapy or medication point blank. I was at my wits end.

It appears that my standing up for my self was the "shove" he needed. He found him self a doctor who he likes and is happy to talk to. And he's on meds'! Don't get me wrong, I don't think medication is a magic cure of any sort. All I wanted though was to see that he was trying. In our bad times he'd do things like sleep all day while I cleaned the house, to get up at 3 pm and pour a bottle of orange juice all over my clean floors, or simple things like not go to work, or spend more than double his wage every week - on bourbon! Or just be rude to my friends or family, or one of his favorites was to call me while I was out with friends telling me the assortment of untasteful things he was getting up to with prostitutes while I was out! I could go on, and I'm sure there will be plenty of blog entries on the subject!

But he has been on his meds for about 3 weeks. Talk about a change around! I'm married to a new man! A lot - if not most - people would be questioning why I'm even still here to see the change. I don't know the answer to that my self. A lot of it is my self esteem, if I loved my self I wouldn't allow someone to treat me that way, I guess a lot of it was hope as well. And well, as strange as this will sound, being comfortable. its hard to explain. But the main thing is there is now a light at the end of the tunnel! Its been a fucking long tunnel hey, but i cant wait to see the sun shine through the other side.

So this weekend gone was basically about doing things that most people take for granted. We went to Knox on Friday after work and each bought a new pair of shows, I got a new pair of Converse All Stars (ahh, the memories of my VH commodore, Jills IMBOO and Trins sandman, Kurt, Eddie, crowd surfing, scoobs, spiderbait and fun!) New All Stars, starting my Blog, a new me and a happy Steve, could life be better?!

We got up early Saturday morning and headed out to St Andrews to spend the morning with the hippies at the market. It had rained all night so the place was just a mud bath, but we had a ball. My All Stars really were looking like the pair from when i was 18! From there we headed to a little cafe in Croydon that i wanted to check out. To anyone else this is probably a normal Saturday morning, but for us, this was heaven. Something I never imagined would happen. With out meds, Steve wouldn't be up before mid day, 15 people would have pissed him off, something would be smashed and I would be frustrating him by taking too long to put on my make up! And that's before we even stepped out the door. Instead we were NORMAL! well as close to as we're ever gonna get! I don't know who to thank for that, but whoever you are, I am eternally in your debt.

I'm not allowing my self to fall into a false happiness, or to get complacent, but just for now, things are looking good :)

1 comment:

  1. Wow Jandy! How good does it feel to have a NORMAL weekend.

    After seeing how he's been for such a long time, and now seeing him in the last few weeks, he is a different person. I never thought he'd come knocking on our door for a chat ever again!!

    Keep up the blogging, it's allowing you to get it all out, and that's good for you :)


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