Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Red Wine and Black Dogs

The Diagnosis

I feel a little wrong writing a blog like this when everything in our relationship is going so well at the moment. But i feel like its fairly necessary. To show why where we are at the moment is so good, to show how bad it was, and to give an insight in case of the worst case scenario of it all coming back.

So, it was Christmas 2007, well late November. Steve and i had been, for want of better words, growing apart, over the past year to 18 months. Nothing i can exactly put my finger on, we just didn't chat any more, didn't spend time together, didn't do things partners should do, like attend friends birthday parties together, or go out for tea, share any interests. We were just 2 people living together, i don't know that we even liked each other at this stage, let alone had love for each other. So i was very surprised when he decided to join me at my work Christmas party - a boat cruise on the Yarra.

After a few issues on the way in, we barely spoke and hardly saw each other all night. I had a ball dancing up a storm with my sisters, Steve drank around 6 bottles of red with the boys i work with. Nothing significant happened on the boat but by the time we docked, Steve was almost para. He had developed an attitude and decided to walk about 200 meters ahead of the group, who were heading back to their cars in the Crown casino car park. By the time we got to the car, Steve was crouched beside it with his head in his hands. i told him to get up and he screamed something about us taking to long and ran off. My youngest sisters boyfriend chased him and eventually brought him back to the car.

A fairly uneventful drive home took us to mums, where my car was parked (my sister had driven us home). I don't know what happened next but Steve ran off. We spent about 30 minutes looking for him to find him hiding on mums water tank beside her house. When he realised we had found him he ran, jumped the fence and was off. For my eastern suburbs homies, you'll understand when I say mum lives off Bayswater road near Anaconda. By now we had a small search party underway, Mum, my step dad and step brother, my two sisters and one of their boyfriends.

After driving around for what seemed like hours I found him hiding in a bush behind anaconda. I was ropeable by now and dragged him by his feet from the bush, over the concrete to the car. He got up and ran, here we go again! Sometime later my sisters boyfriend found him inside Quix, withdrawing every cent from our account (note to self, call bank to reinstate daily card withdrawal limit!) and telling everyone who'd listen the details of our sex life - or lack there of! This was followed by yet another run down the road. This time my step brother found him and spent the next hour, hour and a half having a D & M, he finally settled him down and he came back to the car. It was around 4 am by now.

We drove home in silence along Canterbury Road when stupid me had to say a smart ass comment, I cant even remember what now, but I know, in hindsight, I shouldn't have done it! I'm doing about 100 kms and Steve puts my car in Park, jumps out into the middle of the road and puts his arms out, inviting the car approaching him to run him over. This is repeated on each side of the road about four or five times, with me screaming at him from the side of the road. A good show to see on your drunken Saturday night trip home! I spent the next 2 hours trying to get him in the car, stopping him from jumping out and screaming at him. I cant even remember how it ended, other than the sun was up before my head hit the pillow.

The next few weeks are kind of a daze, there was lots of talking between Steve and others, like bosses, my Mum, his "friends" but not between him and I, we just didn't speak, but went along with our daily lives. Finally he was convinced to see a doctor. After a lot of bullshit and heart ache, surveys and forms, he was diagnosed with Manic depression, bordering Bipolar.

We've already got enough dogs, we dont need a big black dog hiding behind every corner.

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