The end of your life as you know it is actually quite similar to grieving for someone, I guess.
I cried my self to sleep last night, thinking of how much I'm going to miss my friend, the person I have shared so many memories with, good and bad, how I wont be able to do the little things we used to do together. I'm a very sentimental person, I once had a job that I would cry while driving to every morning, when I quit, I cried about all the good times I had with my coworkers - the same coworkers that made it hell to work there! Man I'm fucked in the head!
So last night was the sad stage, today is anger. I'm biting every ones head off, but what I really want to be doing is punching their faces in (that could also be to do with the fact that Aunty Flo's due for a visit!). I am so freaking angry that the life I want is being taken from me, that I have to do so much in order to stop living the life I want (sell my house, be lonely, loose my cats, loose friends etc etc etc), that the last 13 years of my life have been a waste, I am fucking angry that I'm not strong enough to know that this is whats best for me, that life I've been living isn't really the "life I wanted" at all, yet that stupid "I'm not good enough" belief running through my head makes me feel like it's the best I'll ever get, I'm angry that while I want to be Steves friend, he seems to hate me, I'm angry that certain people aren't giving me the support I need from them because I'm not doing what they believe I should be doing, I'm angry that I'm putting on weight, I'm angry that I'm trying to be mature and civil through this, but everyday hearing about horrible things Steve is saying about me. I'm just damn fucking angry.
I just want to fast forward to 6 months time when everything has been done, when I've gone through all the grieving stages, when I'm closer to knowing that I'm going to be OK.