excuse the language, I not only have my cranky pants on today, it's a whole effing suit baby!
Seriously, thats how I feel right now, I know, I know, personal pity party, whateves yall, my blog, and thats how I roll.
I want to hide away in my bed, under the covers, and not talk to anyone at all, not do anything for anyone. I want to be selfish and lazy. When is it my fucking turn?!!!!!!
My life is at a standstill right now, can't fix anything, can't move on, it's fucking pathetic. It's my fault too, because I'm scared, and weak, and exhausted, I'm nothing - thats it, I am nothing. I'm not demanding the respect and love I deserve, I'm settling for people telling me I don't deserve those things, when I do.
DAMN IT! I deserve to be loved, I deserve your respect, I deserve your help, I deserve to not be used, I deserve to be appreciated. I deserve to be happy.
Ages ago someone pointed out to me that when I'm in a group, people always, ALWAYS talk over me, and they do, in life in general, I'm just looked over, I'm tired of being the person that is just there, the person that will clean up, feed the animals, pay the bills, sort out the bullshit at work, get every one a cuppa, go to your house when you never come to mine, work hard from the minute I get up till the minute I go to bed, the person who isn't quite pretty enough, skinny enough, loud enough, funny enough, smart enough, the person who used to be fun, the pale girl, the girl with bad skin and terrible hair, the person who writes an OK blog - but so and so's is better, the person with the car from last century, the person with the job that isn't as good as yours, the person who goes to the gym 5 times a week but just keeps putting on weight not taking it off, the person who isn't loved. More than anything, I just want someone to love me for me, not hate me for all the things I'm not.
I'm really sorry, I just needed to be a sook for one entry, I'm going to try really really hard to pull my self out of this rut and start being happy and grateful by tomorrow.