via We ♥ it
I know, I know! I didn't blog at all yesterday.
I'm at Mazz's house near the beach, house and dog sitting. Between her and her house mate, there are three dogs! Mazz completed the Melbourne Marathon today, well done Mazz, and tonight her and her house mates are competing in a "parathon" haha! Yup, as it sugests, lots of drinking! So, they are all staying in the city for the night.
So I'm here by my self, well as the only human anyway!
Last night me, Buzz and Mum went to my step sister Danni's hens night at a pub in the city. Buzz was supposed to come back to Mazz's with me, but she chose to meet up with friends instead. Oh yeah, I'm over flowing with the feeling of being loved! I had a bit of a melt down last night and ended up in tears at the Hens night, leaving Buzz angry with me, and Mum angry with both of us. I'm just so tired of being alone, not having someone that wants to spend time with me, doing what we both want to do. Don't get me wrong, my friends and my family are amazing, they include me in everything they can, but it's stuff they are already doing, I can't remember the last time someone said to me "What do YOU want to do today Jandy?" Having to come back to an empty house that I didn't know, all by myself, was the last straw.
Buzz sent me a message last night after she left us, apologising, but also adding that she's angry because I feel alone when I always have them (my family). And I do know they have my back, and while I don't ask that anyone, friend or family, puts their life on hold, because mine is, I just can't imagine ever leaving either of my sisters in the state I was in last night, just to go drinking with my mates. She broke my heart, when I just really, really needed someone to love me. One thing I pride myself on is being there for my friends and family when they need it.
Buzz is only 21, I get that, and we're entirely different people, shes cool, she has a million friends, I would kill for her confidence, but surely by 21 you can see when someone needs you, and give up a night on the piss, just that once. Or maybe I'm the one being selfish?
Anyshittysister, I'm here alone, with my laptop and Foxtell (cable TV for my US friends), a few minutes walk away from the beach, It's time to pull my self together, wash my face, brush my hair and get out into the sunshine, get over myself and start to live, maybe even get some colour on this ghostly white skin of mine! I have two whole days that don't involve housework of any kind, instead they will involve crappy TV, crappy magazines, crappy food, some sunshine, some crazy dogs ,lazy beach time and maybe even an afternoon nap.
"the person who has not learned to be happy and content while completely alone for an hour, a day, or a week, has missed life's greatest serenity."
I just checked out a bag Mazz left me, it's full of chocolate, lollies and salt and vinigar crinkle cut Smiths chips. Mazz knows me so well!