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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The one where I'm not pretty enough

My good mate Karly of Karlosophies has been missing in action for a while (like no blog post for 5 weeks! and I thought my 3 days were bad!!) but she's back today, and I highly recommend you check out her page. 

Today she wrote about the way we see ourselves compared to how others see us.

Karls and I have been IRL friends for years, we went to High School together, then reconnected when My Space was awesome. We didn't have a great deal to do with each other in High School, but since reconnecting, we've become great friends, she's some one I value very highly in my life. We don't actually even have each others phone numbers, but I know I could turn up on her door step at anytime and she'd welcome me with open arms.

I've always seen Karly as the life of the party, someone who knew what she wanted, and who she is,  a happy and beautiful person, inside and out, someone I envied for all the aforementioned attributes as well as her gorgeous, always in great condition hair, her massive boobs, her perfect skin, and toned as fuck legs, so it came as a big surprise when I learnt that she didn't see all those things when she looked in the mirror.

I've always hated me, inside and out, if I had to list what I hate about myself, I would go on forever, there isn't enough paper in the world (or memory, or gigs, or space or whatever on the Internet!) but Karlys post about how she sees her self got me thinking. Maybe there are people out there that wish they had something that I have.

My biggest issue is that I can tell myself that I'm attractive until I'm blue in the face, but without someone else saying it to me, I'll never believe it. And then if someone does happen to compliment me, initially it will make me feel great, but later on, I'll try and analyse it and usually come up one of three conclusions;

1. They are just saying it for the sake of making conversation
2. Obviously then, I usually look like crap
2. They said it as a joke (ie, if someone says they love my hair, initially, I'll think "Awesome, my hair must look good today" but then my head will take me to "somethings wrong with my hair, OMG!")

I don't love myself, so for the life of me, I can't believe that anyone else would either.

I sometimes wonder if I have body dismorphic disorder. but then realise that If I did have it, I'd be seeing myself in a distorted view - meaning, I'm not as bad as I see myself, and I just cant seem to convince myself that that's the case. I have big issues with comparing myself to others, which is one of the many, many, many reasons I see a councillor. I hope one day I'll have a partner that makes me feel beautiful, but before that happens, I have to learn how I can make myself acknowledge that, although I do have flaws, they are part of what makes me me. And not only do I have flaws, but I also have a little bit of beautiful tucked away somewhere too. It's all about being conscious of, and acknowledging my thoughts and feelings and making an effort to change them. It's a big job, but I'm trying.

Which brings me to the proposal Karly made at the end of her post;

"I propose that each day... you tell at least one person, who wouldn't expect it, something that you admire about them. And if you are lucky enough to be at the receiving end of such a compliment, that you accept that compliment graciously. Don't question it... Just accept it."

We should all make an effort to do this, if you're not so into the personal compliments, you can spread some love by Operation Beautiful or The Karma Army. Lets help make this world a beautiful place, one compliment at a time.

3 comments:

  1. Dude! You are the greatest! Thanks for the RAD compliment on my blog - it's up there with the best I've ever had!

    We really do 'hear what we want to hear'... instead of just taking it at face value - thanking the person and accepting it. We seriously need to do some re-wiring in our brains and stop being so effing hard on ourselves. Hell, we ARE both fucking rad.. and super fine bitches!

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  2. I'm like you Floss, analyse what people are saying when they make a compliment. I always find it hard to accept a compliment too. Maybe it is a Pembroke thing????????????
    I want a little bit of you, you have awesome hair and dress sense - you always look like a funky spunk! Keep smiling and the world will smile with you my floss xx

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  3. It totally is a a Pembroke thing! I'm the same, and I ahve been struggling with weight issues all my life, and have never been happy with myself, shit, after losing nearly 20kg I still don't like what I see in the mirror babe, so your not alone!
    I'd love to be you, you have a funky as style, shit hot hair, a gorgeous and caring nature, ah I could go on and on.
    I think we shoudl all make more of an effort to let each other know if we think they look nice, etc. I always drive off thinking, wow so and so looked awesome today, or just as simple as I loved the jacket she was wearing, but I will make more an effort, as I think we all should!
    Keep on blogging you spunky piece of work!!

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Thank You XX