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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The one with the lessons

The lessons I learnt by spending a weekend on my own

I seriously need to lighten the eff up, I get anxiety over the smallest, most pathetic things, from car parking to almost crying because I can't get the key to work in Emmas door. Life isn't meant to be like that.

I'm sad. I thought I was coping quite well, but I'm not.

I need to get out an live my life. I spend at least one whole day of my weekend cleaning, doing book work, grocery shopping and what ever else. All that stuff will wait if I decided to spend a day at the beach, or a day on the couch, or whatever instead.

I need to become more independent, I need to learn to do things by myself. The only way it's ever going to get easier is by doing it.

Bec is too young to be the answer to my loneliness. No one is the answer to my loneliness except me.

I need to be more spontaneous. I'm so organised, and a list maker from way back. The night before I came home, I was even working out what the easiest way to drive home would be, and when I say easiest, I don't mean quickest, no I'm more likely to go the way with the least traffic, least right hand turns, least scary exit ramps etc etc even if it means an extra 2 hours on the road. OMG, stress much Jandy?!

Even when I'm alone, I still have a whole lot of support.

Basically, I'm far too highly strung, I've lost my fun, my spontaneity, I'm quick to forget that I'm never really alone - I'm always loved by someone.

5 comments:

  1. While you were beating yourself up there, you forgot one thing... 'You are way too hard on yourself!' - that one should be on the top of the list. You are going through a life changing and difficult time. Right now, if you need to spend two hours longer on your trip, then that's what you need to do... And that's okay! Be aware, but be kind. We can be our own worst enemies... When we really do have the potential to be our own best friends. It will happen... Just needs time.

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  2. You have many people out there who love you! Including me!

    Friend in the fridge xoxox

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  3. I feel pretty awful I can't kidnap you right now. :( But I get it and I know how you feel. Because honestly? I feel that way a lot and I have two kids and a husband. And it's awful. But I know it's just a phase and I know that eventually? You are going to find someone awesome. Crazy awesome and you're going to wonder how you got to be so damn lucky. :) But with that- take the long way home, stop off for dessert (before dinner even) and enjoy being free.

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  4. Damn right your are loved by someone, and that someone is me!! Teehee....among MANY others!!
    You are doing just fine considering what you have been, and are going through babe. You need to stop being so hard on yourself and just do what you need to do. Things will happen regardless, and you will, one day, have the life you deserve, and I will do whatever I can to help you get that :)
    Love ya guts babe xoxo

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  5. I seriously had to tell myself today take a deap breath and try to remember the big picture and I keep thinking maybe next week will be normal and easy and then my father in law said today that we will always have a new problem or challenge to face that's not gonna change but it's how we face them and what we do with the time between challenges that matters. I guess I have just been doing a lot of thinking lately and I the bottom line is that i am wound way too tight too. We should tackle this together :)

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Thank You XX