i hate that i feel the need to back up a depressing (read; honest) post with a skittles and sunshine post.
but i'm going to do it now. well maybe a saltanas and slightly cloudy one.
climbing out of a rut is a slow process.
no matter how motivated you are, or not.
my rut is deep. true, probably made more deep by me.
but i've climbed just a little.
changing your life is like that. it takes time. one step at a time.
for me at least, it's all baby steps.
i've been lost for a while now, unmotivated at work, unsure of where i want to live, if i want to buy a house, not wanting to be sociable, spending my time working and little else.
i think i've found my direction.
and like changing, it's a slow process.
but for the first time in a long time, i'm excited for the future, motivated to make it happen.
in fact, i've made it so it HAS to happen. i've stopped talking and thinking about it, and i've MADE it happen.
the only way out of it is the loss of thousands of dollars. and self respect.
i'm learning to teach english as a foreign language.
on february 29th i'm leaving for bali. my first teaching assignment is volunteering for three weeks, teaching english to balinese children. all by my self - well with an organisation, but without anyone i know.
for 4 nights before and after, i'll be having some me time. some massages and beauty treatments, sun bathing and swimming, some shopping and eating. a week of eat pray love.
i'm nervous, excited, apprehensive, enthusiastic, wary, eager, ready. almost
i'm not hoping for too much. a little solitude that will bring me peace, new friends, new challenges, a whole new look at life.
i'm sure i'll be homesick, and have no doubt that i'll spend many an hour crying or asking my self why the hell i decided to do this, but i hope it will be life changing. maybe a new direction for my life. perhaps i'll spend my life volunteering around the world, or maybe i'll decide that it's the creature comforts of home that make my life whole.
whatever comes from this, i know i'll be a better person for it.
update: i passed my first assesment, first go! i'm on my way!