i've been walking around writing posts in my head for days (do other bloggers do that?) but when i go to write them down i get this weird anxiety and lose all the words.
i'm hoping that by starting here the words come flowing. we'll see
i want to get this all out of my head. writing is usually therapeutic for me, i have something on my mind, i write it down and i can (usually) move on. but for some reason it's not happening this time.
i want to write about new york and friday night and saturday and sunday, about judgement and about the "funshop", about losing my little sister for three months and meeting my new friend tootka, about how sometimes it's hard to find the lesson when life gives really good people really shitty luck, how i saw how i truly am my own worst enemy...
instead of releasing them, i just keep adding more and more thoughts, i feel like my head is going to explode.
i feel like i'm living in that last scene of mary poppins, just before she flies away, where there's something in the air and everyone can feel that change is coming, except that i'm the only one feeling it.