Tuesday, August 14, 2012


mazz as a clown for becs dress up party - it'll make sense later,
well actually the picture will probably never make sense, but the reason i posted it will!

i've thinking about memories a bit lately. i drove past lilydale lake the other day a couldn't stop thinking about madds. i hope i was a good owner to her. i think i was because she lived way past her used by date, but on the other hand maybe i let her live too long. she was an awesome friend, such a good dog. i miss her. except when there's thunder.

it's my dad's 60th on thursday and i guess that's bought up memories too. i have two memories of my dad, but i don't really know if they are memories or stories that i've warped into memories over time.

one is when i woke up after a bad dream and saw dad siting on the couch in the lounge room. i remember the dream for sure, i was being chased by a monster and i was running to dad, who was sitting on the couch. the other was when i climbed into bed with mum and dad and dad told me that because i had woken up in the middle of the night the sandman would have to come again. i don't know if that's an actual memory or a story mum has told me.

but the fist memory i have that i know for sure happened is a strange one. one that i can almost guarantee no one else can say they've had.

i was sitting on a bench in a strange house, crying while strangers tried to dress me up as a clown.

i thought a lot about that while i was growing up and one day finally asked mum about it. she told me that after dad passed i went to stay with some of their friends to give her a bit of breathing space. the friends were actual clowns, that was their job, and they were going to be in a parade. they thought i would like to be a part of it all. seems i didn't.

it probably sounds like a traumatic memory, the kind that would leave someone with a fear of clowns, but i actually quite like it! it's a memory of these bright happy people trying to make me happy! 

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