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Monday, August 13, 2012

my two cents on judgement - is that an oxymoron?!

do you remember when you signed up to facebook or blogger or twitter, or whatever social media platform you desire, and you agreed to that rule that went something along these lines;

any content posted here must be of a positive nature, however not too positive.

no?

that's because there is no such rule. as far as i'm aware there are no rules of posting at all, besides the obvious deformation, bullying, nudity and copyright rules.

which is why it absolutely drives me crazy when people judge others by what they write. i hate that we're all supposed to be robots that do everything correctly and have the ability to always be in control of our feelings. and that very few of us realise that we all live in glass houses.

post something sad and you're a whinger, post something happy and you're lying because no one is ever that happy, post about your success and you're showing off, post about your failure and you need to get over your pity party, post about your children and you're telling everyone that you think they are better than anyone elses children, post about being single and you're desperate... get the picture?

it's always annoyed me, but it really came to a head a couple of months ago when a facebook friend started posting depressing statuses. after a few days of them someone commented "get over it".

it made my blood boil, this friend was obviously calling out for help.

this friend made a suicide attempt that weekend.

not because of the comment, of course it's far deeper than that. in fact, i doubt that the comment made too much of an impact on the darkness she was already feeling. but it certainly didn't help any. so why say it? it goes back to what our mums used to tell us; if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

i'm not blind to the fact that i'm sitting here judging the judgers. i'm sitting in my glass house throwing stones. but they aren't actual stones, i'd rather we thought of them as fluffy balls of fairy floss!

perhaps a little contradictory to the whole idea of this post is my belief (the balls of fairy floss) that if you have a valid opinion, or an issue with someone, or something, you have a right to voice it. if you have a problem with some one, it's your problem until you give the other person the opportunity to right it, or to justify it.

but it has to be done constructively, not in a way that hurts. and preferably in private. if that get over it commenter really had an issue with my friends posts, they had the choice to either block her from their news feed, or reach out and ask something constructive like what's holding you back from getting over this?. or, like i do, they could write about it in a, hopefully, diplomatic way.

and i'm the first to admit that i am far from perfect, i judge people too, it's a fact that none of us are robots who are 100 percent in control of our emotions 100 percent of the time. but i can honestly say that i'm consciously trying to live with a be kind to everybody, for everybody is fighting a battle mentality.

i think meg fee's friend tom summed it up perfectly;

... but you can't just take that bit of their life, you have to take it all. and you don't know what another's secret shame or great sadness is. you don't know another's addiction. you can't imagine another's loss.

ok, rant over.

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