Pages

Thursday, October 11, 2012

thankful

last night i couldn't sleep. i couldn't turn my brain off. it got to the point at 1.30 am that i got up and dumped 7 pages worth of thoughts into my notebook. which helped.

and when doing so, i realised that almost everything that's in my head leads back to being thankful. so i thought i'd write a list on the things i'm thankful for today.

i'm thankful for this time in my life. after my post about being happy, my friend jill commented about how nice it must be to be able to reflect on ones life in the present. we don't do that often in life. actually take in the moment to take it all in, to acknowledge and learn. i've been lucky enough to have been given a whole year of my life to do just that. and it's been the most creative, educational, emotional year. and i wouldn't change a moment.

i'm thankful for having a break down in bali. an odd thing to say perhaps, but hindsight is a marvelous thing. i spent 2 weeks literally wishing i wasn't alive. i spent at least half of that time bed ridden with depression and loneliness. i went to bali with the hopes of coming back a different person. 7 months later i can finally realise that that's exactly what happened.

i'm thankful for the words tattooed on my back. "if a bird cannot fly, it walks". to me, those are the most poignant words there are.  when i got married, it was forever, and it was to be followed by children and living happily ever after. that's what is meant to happen. but it didn't, and i had to find another way, i had to learn to walk instead of fly.  and i have. i never imagined i could, but i have. and i like walking far more than i ever liked flying.

i'm thankful for teaching. for all the lessons and rewards bali showered me in, the ability to teach is my most treasured. i spent my vce english classes writing out song lyrics on a school table in grey lead. now i teach people that adding "ed" to the end of a verb will make it past tense. i'm pretty bloody proud of that.

i'm thankful for where i live. for so many reasons, but mainly because last night i saw 4 kangaroos and a peacock.

i'm thankful for a piece of paper and a pencil. no amount of therapy will ever untangle my mind the way the written word can.

i'm thankful for loud music, a car and mount dandenong. the written word sung at the top of your lungs, while your alone driving beneath 100 year old mountain ashes - nothing is quite as liberating.

i'm thankful for the written word, in so many forms, but mainly in the form of song lyrics. theres no feeling like hearing a song and thinking that the writer took the lyrics straight from your head.

i'm thankful for new friends who are willing to look past my shyness to find the real me. that's a really big deal. it would be (and usually is) so much easier to bypass me, because i'm quiet and being quiet means i have nothing to say, right? absolutely wrong. i have a hell of a lot to say. and i can't even begin to put into words how awesome it is when people care enough to see that.

i'm thankful for every lesson i learnt through marriage. every painful one. because i'm a better person for it all.

3 comments:

  1. So many wonderful things to be thankful for - and I am Thankful for having you in my life xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are such a legend! I'm putting you in my gratitude jar!

    ReplyDelete
  3. It sounds like you went through a terrible time, but now are coming out the other side. And that's wonderful!! It's so amazing to be able to reflect and do whatever you need to do to become a better person. And the words of your tattoo are so inspiring. I love it! <3

    toni

    ReplyDelete

Thank You XX