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Saturday, February 9, 2013

d day

i've been anticipating this day since before we went to the police station to have our affidavits witnessed. anticipation like that of an 8 year old kid on christmas eve.

the court date for my divorce was set yesterday.

it's a strange, unnerving feeling being married to someone you no longer love. especially when you're in a relationship with some one whom you do love. and it's god damned frustrating waiting for the government to tell you it's officially over.

it's not sad. it's like a weight lifted, like a new beginning - another chance for happiness.

all i want is a fresh slate. i want to be jandy resch full stop (none of that hyphen bull shit).

i'll always have the memories of that time. there were some good times, but they've been over shadowed by all the hurt, all the times i was taken for granted, abused and made a fool of.

those times have shaped me into who i am today. i'm a little less trusting, far more cautious, perhaps a little jaded.

but they've shaped me in a good way too. they showed me my flaws and allowed me the opportunity to change them. they've shown me that i can get through anything, that i'm strong and capable and resilient and worthy of better. worthy of far better.

they showed me what i don't want to ever experience again, and showed me that i'm strong enough to make sure i don't.

they showed me that i am a good person and that sometimes people will take advantage of that, or take it for granted, but that's a flaw in their personality, not mine.

they gave me many lessons to take into my new relationship. the most important being that it's ok to love with all i have, and if you're worthy of that love, you'll appreciate it, not use it against me.

they showed me that karma works in wonderful ways.

2 comments:

  1. I have been there as well lil J and things really get better in the long run. I am very glad you are so happy now and enjoying yourself. Yes it is a weird feeling you have when you are getting divorced, but things get better and even more better as time goes on.

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  2. Everything happens for a reason and life is way too short for regrets remember the good times and move on with better ones !!! Freaks me out a bit that I was so close to being in your shoes I just didn't marry my ex got out after 7 years and knew exactly what I didn't want . Never thought I could be this happy, sounds like you are too, you deserve it enjoy it ,trust it , this is where you are supposed to be !!! Xoxo

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