Thursday, March 28, 2013

the first day of the rest of my life

gratitude that life is exactly as it is. gratitude for each and every last hardship i bear. and thanks that the very things i want to curse might yet prove the foundation of so much good still to come.

thanks meg.

today is d day, the day that my divorce goes through.

i've been contemplating how to properly put into words the myriad of feelings i'm experiencing today.

i don't think it's possible.

then i saw the above quote by the amazing meg of the wild and wily ways of a brunette bombshell and realised that that pretty much sums it all up.

today as my world changes and my day feels like the first day of spring with it's promise of new beginnings and growth, i am grateful for so many things.

most of all i'm grateful for the people who helped me survive the past 23 months and i thought the best way to mark this momentous occasion in my life was to document my gratitude for these people.

my family. theres no doubt in my mind that i could not be where i am today without them. from that first weekend where i doubted that i could live through this and i cried and yelled and cried some more on the phone to mazz and she listened and comforted me and had me believing that everything would be ok by the end of it. to the weekends where i'd spend my days with mum and dougie and they'd try so hard to make me happy, but allowed me to be broken and never let me forget that i was loved. to buzzy who wrote me the most unforgettable message on facebook telling me how much she loved reading my blog and seeing how happy i was becoming.

to last night. a "family celebration" of the final closure that was actually a surprise party with my favorite people complete with a cake and all the love anyone could ever wish for.

ali and daz. ali was my rock throughout the whole time, but especially in the first few months where her unwavering support was more than anyone could hope for. she would feed me, making sure that i'd at least have one meal to nourish me a week, both her and daz never failed to make me realise that i would survive and that ultimately this was the best thing that could happen. they listened for hours upon hours as i tried to make sense of the whole situation, daz offering his handyman services when ever i was overwhelmed, alis indescribable support as i suffered a break down in bali.

carls who's beautiful words, support, love and encouragement also helped me get through the darkest days in bali.

jill, who has always told me that i'm worthy of more, always made me feel loved and important and a part of her family.

katie who has always been a phone call away to listen to me cry or scream or contemplate or dissect. who spent a week with me as i house sat, keeping my mind off the break up and being by my side as the house went on the market. who helped me through the awkwardness of "what should i say's?" when phil and i first started talking and let me send photos of date outfits for her approval.

nicole, gael and brian. nicole for her kind words of love and encouragement in every way she possibly could, through the mail and text message, blog and facebook comments and in person. her words always bring a tear to my eye that someone could care for me as much as she does. and gael and brian, i could never find the words to express my gratitude for allowing me to house sit while they travelled, giving me much needed respite for 3 months.

karly who in the first few weeks sent me a hot water bottle to keep me warm at night, who supported me and checked up on me constantly, who never failed to tell me how well i was doing or how strong i was becoming. but mainly for giving me think beautiful during my time of need. i have no doubt that the tools she provided me with during those months were fundamental in my growth and the rebuilding of my soul.

my work mates. who bore the brunt of it all, the tears and anger. the years of anger. maureen who often sat with me, not saying a word, with an arm around my shoulder just letting me cry, sue who knew my pain all too well and told me constantly that it would get better, and she was right and shaz who, unfortunately for her, began working with me at the same time as it all happened yet dealt with my tears and anger like a real friend, and all of the boys who awkwardly showed me that they cared and were there for me in my monent of need.

my uncle colin, who without, i wouldn't have a roof over my head. he provided me with love and understanding and a place where i could be with my babies. a place where i could heal. a place that i now call home.

every person who ever showed me support and/or encouragement. either in person or through facebook or my blog. carlyn, karen, cara, mollie, sara, narelle, dave, amanda, mike, julie, laurie, mel, jo, kelly, fe, nessy, megan, my usa mommy jaina, jill, nelly, cazz, roxy, kaffa, melia, stacey, brooke, helgz, jadey, bush, rach, gis, sammy, nicky, jen, jezz, trin, mel, lesley, terry, greg, rob, danny, frank, sandra, jim, pete, sandy, rob, tookta, agey, esther, auds, mr feeny, margie, danni, berno, kim, emma, ali, libby, rita, kayla, kelly, jodie, dave, lou, chopper, terrianne, jaqui, sarah, jodie, genevieve, claire, mel, wendy, liz and debbie. all of you, everyone of you have helped me get to where i am today. your kind words, no matter how small or large, (sometimes disguised as mean - dave, i see through it!!) have been an amazing source of love that i often went back to whenever i felt like i just couldn't get through another day.

and of course phil, who made my world beautiful again. i love you.

1 comment:

  1. I am so happy that you are fully able to close that chapter and you have a new one to walk into. :)


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